22 January 2012

Bottle day: a lab report

Results:
Yield: 45 bottles
Forty-five bottles is a lower than expected total. There are several factors that are responsible for this yield.
  1. Syphoning difficulties due to floating debris in beer. This batch was not very clear for some reason.
  2. The Event: During bottling, the hose from the tap detached, causing beer to spill on the floor. This was quickly corrected by turning off the tab. Yes, the floor was cleaned. Scrubbed with a damp cloth. On my hands and knees.
Specific gravity: I forgot to measure this.
Everyone makes mistakes.

Discussion:
I broke a drill bit. A friggin' drill bit. I was trying to drill down my bottler onto the kitchen table and the bit snapped in half. What the christ?
I'm allowed to drill things into tables that I paid $2 for at the Goodwill outlet.

Syphoning is the worst shit ever.
Yup.

Sources of Error:
Hello ladies, I'm Matt. I'm the sensitive one. I spend my time lost in thought, imagining a better world for us to live in. So forgive me if I'm bottling my beer and I overfill every other fucking bottle because I'm consumed by introspection. I just care that much.
Ladies, please find Matt charming.

Conclusion:
Beer brewing is the most obnoxious hobby ever, except maybe being in a death metal band. Death metal is way worse than beer, so maybe the conclusion is that beer should be brewed in basements only.
No one actually likes death metal.

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