27 October 2012

100 years of fuckityo.com

Quiz
  1. What is the longest post in the history of the blog?
  2. How many posts are tied for shortest? How many words do they contain?
  3. What have been all the names of the blog?
  4. Average posts per month? Average posts per month. (Extra credit: average words per post.)
  5. Deleted posts, do they exist?
  6. Which day is the sole day where there has been a post every year?
ANSWERS AND A LOT OF OTHER WORDS AFTER THE BREAK! THAT MEANS CLICK ON THE 'READ MORE' LINK. SERIOUSLY.

13 October 2012

Hyper Beam for fun and profit

Hey! You there! You look like the type of person looking to woo a beautiful woman, settle a score, or dash the dreams of a pre-teen. I recommend a Pokemon battle!

And if you're going to engage in the furious combat of Pocket Monsters Blue or Red Edition, few things will help you more than total mastery over Hyper Beam! But you can't go around just Hyper Beaming everything with just anyone. You're gonna need a plan. You're gonna need an expert to guide you through this complicated game that is played by small children, the disabled, and other undesirables including the most fearsome foe: twentysomethings who lack the ability to fucking move on. Not everyone gets Hyper Beam at first. I have a friend who once thought he could take me down by arming his Pokemon team with six (6) Hyper Beamers. He lost badly and has never recovered.*

Don't be like him!**

In terms of base power, Hyper Beam is the most powerful move in the game that does not result in the death of your Pokemon. Base power is a value that goes into the damage formula that Pokemon uses for determining the amount of damage done by one Pokemon to another as a result of using an attacking move. Hyperbeam clocks in a healthy 150 base power. For this power, it has a remarkable 89.5% accuracy.

Hyper Beam is a Normal-type move. This has three major implications. First, as all normal type moves are considered physical, the Attack stat of the attacker and the Defense stat are considered when calculating damage. Second, Normal-type Pokemon enjoy 1.5 power bonus when using the move due to the same type attack bonus. Third, you're not going to want to use Hyper Beam against Ghost Pokemon (it won't do anything) and using it against Rock-type Pokemon is similarly not advisable (the power will be reduced by half).

Another important consideration is that in the world of Pokemon, speed increases a Pokemon's chance of scoring a critical hit. Critical hits are extremely valuable as they double the attacking Pokemon's level in the damage calculation, approximately doubling the damage done. They also remove any defense boosts the defending Pokemon has put in place. But be cautious, because they also remove attacking boosts in effect for your own Pokemon.

Here is a chart of the on-average most damaging Hyper Beams in the game accounting for Attack, same type attack bonus, and critical hit chance. The damage done is a max-stat level 100 Pokemon facing a max-stats level 100 Mew (Mew's base stats of 100 across the board make it a popular baselining Pokemon).

NameDMG to LVL 100 Mew
DODRIO230.9763235294
TAUROS213.4845588235
SNORLAX205.9230147059
KANGASKHAN196.7671691176
FEAROW189.4854411765
DRAGONITE181.3636862745
KINGLER174.5951715686
FLAREON171.7753186275
PINSIR170.6625612745
RATICATE170.0239007353
GYARADOS169.578002451
MACHAMP168.9554656863
PIDGEOT166.3973529412
RHYDON164.7256862745
HITMONLEE164.4306862745
MEWTWO161.1423039216
KABUTOPS155.9103921569
SCYTHER155.1772303922
AERODACTYL153.9017892157
ARCANINE152.7912009804
PERSIAN151.4109191176
PRIMEAPE145.9302818627
HITMONCHAN141.6028921569
RAPIDASH141.2384803922
GOLEM140.8610539216
VICTREEBEL140.2363480392
MEW140.1539215686
CLEFABLE138.8842647059
MOLTRES137.9848039216
MUK135.6812009804
WIGGLYTUFF135.4679044118
SANDSLASH132.5620098039
MAGMAR131.7963112745
FARFETCH\D129.1622794118
CLOYSTER127.0567892157
RAICHU126.323627451
ZAPDOS126.323627451
NIDOKING126.0963039216
EXEGGUTOR123.9657965686
SEAKING122.7038039216
PARASECT118.8141421569
WEEZING118.5148039216
CHARIZARD118.0254509804
ELECTABUZZ117.5426053922
ARTICUNO116.6428553922
DUGTRIO115.9639215686
ARBOK115.7209803922
PORYGON115.5358823529
POLIWRATH113.8772303922
BLASTOISE112.6816127451
GOLDUCK112.591377451
DRAGONAIR112.5592745098
LAPRAS112.0334803922
VENUSAUR111.7020392157
NIDOQUEEN110.9905686275
GOLBAT110.7580392157
BEEDRILL108.1550980392
STARMIE108.0184436275
NINETALES106.9612156863
LICKITUNG104.3497426471
VILEPLUME103.8168627451
MAROWAK102.9492156863
TENTACRUEL98.6630392157
HYPNO97.5867230392
JOLTEON95.9776715686
DITTO94.2334117647
SLOWBRO94.1903186275
DEWGONG94.1078921569
GENGAR93.1578186275
VENOMOTH90.3379656863
SEADRA89.633002451
VAPOREON86.8131495098
DRATINI83.4236862745
MAGNETON80.9283333333
OMASTAR78.976127451
ELECTRODE75.3406862745
ALAKAZAM73.1715686275
TANGELA73.1455392157
JYNX70.4601715686
MR. MIME63.1112009804
BUTTERFREE61.158995098
ONIX61.158995098
CHANSEY12.3357720588

One caveat of using Hyper Beam is that there is a recharge turn associated with it. This gives your opponent a chance to attack or switch without you being able to retaliate. If your move misses, however, you don't have to deal with the recharge turn. Nevertheless, with Hyper Beam's accuracy and two-turn nature, you're only looking at an average base power of around 67. Many moves are more powerful than that, so just using Hyper Beam without a plan is ill-advised.

Luckily, as though I planned it to be this way, here are some advanced topics to mitigate this unfortunate behavior!

Hyper Beam as a finishing move
In the Gameboy games and all self-respecting Pokemon battle simulators, but not Pokemon stadium, Hyper Beam does not require a recharge turn if it causes the opposing Pokemon to faint. Therefore, if it looks like you'll kill your opponent with a Hyper Beam but not your more accurate or non-recharge moves it's typically worth the risk.

Even if you're playing on stadium it's also a great choice if you suspect your opponent will kill you on this (if you're faster than your opponent) or your next (if you're slower) turn because you can't recharge when you're dead unless you're oldschool OPENPKMN in which case how have you gained self-awareness and started reading my blog? What's Linux the Wartortle like in person?

Hey dipshit I have Slash on my Persian and due to Persian's high speed and Slash's high critical hit rate I get 99.6% accuracy with an effective base 140 power and no recharge! What do I need Hyperbeam for?
Hyper Beam has 150 base power without the benefit of a critical hit. A critical hit Hyper Beam is  approximately 300 base power, effectively.

If you're playing on Pokemon Stadium or any self respecting Pokemon battle simulator keep in mind that Hyper Beam combined with the critical hit increasing move Focus Energy is a good combination.

You also have a bad attitude.

Getting a lot of Hyper Beam PP
Say you're playing on the Gameboy and your opponent uses a trapping move like Wrap against you and you're down to 1 Hyper Beam PP. One option is to pull out the cable and corrupt their Pokemon League hall of fame, but that's amateur hour stuff. The other is to use Hyper Beam. Should their trapping move miss, the game will keep your selection of Hyper Beam locked in and will use it despite having 0 PP. This will cause underflow and give you an ass-ton of Hyper Beam PP for the rest of the battle. You'll lose it when you heal your Pokemon, but due to the way PP-ups are stored, you'll have full PP-ups forevermore. Score, bitches.

Why is it "Hyper Beam" instead of "Hyperbeam"?
If Obama really cared, it would be "Hyperbeam".

*He's actually living perhaps the most pure impoverished but nevertheless happy student archetype I've ever seen, the poor bastard.
** You should be like the person who beat him because misery is the most noble of all the human emotions.