31 March 2013

Exclusive interview with Gary DiSarcina

BREAKING NEWS: the Boston Red Sox baseball playing team have announced that Gary DiSarcina will manage their Triple-A franchise, the Pawtucket Red Sox. This news is actually really old. DiSarcina will wear some number between 0 and 99.

Being a first rate sports publication, the fuckityo.com computer website has an obligation to get the full story on this development. However, in the absence of journalistic standbys like a press pass, ambition, or the courage to call his agent, I will be posing these questions to Mr. DiSarcina in these hallowed halls and waiting for his true and honest responses.
  1. One time I had a dream a riot broke out at Fenway Park and you strangled a man unprovoked. How will this affect the mood in Pawtucket's clubhouse this year?
  2. Which baseball player with the last name Johnson do you use as a euphemism for yours?
  3. If you're really from Sarcina, as stated by your surname, why am I holding a birth certificate, from Malden, Massachusetts with your name on it, you imposter?
  4. If you had to choose only one, would you describe baseball as "America's last bastion of homophobia, misogyny, and general redneck stupidity" or "boring"?
  5. Which advanced baseball statistic do you plan on ignoring the most this season?

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