01 October 2010

A Zuckerfucking Movie Review!

Well I just got back from seeing the Mark Zuckerfucker Movie and let me tell you I learned a lot things!

Some things about Havard!
You know what sucks about top tier schools? When you see people who are going to the school who aren't just monumentally academically talented. Or are really hot chicks. I mean way to fucking win the lottery. But Matthew can't you say that they worked very hard to get into said top tier school? Way to fucking not coast on your less labor intensive talents. Jesus Christ!

The movie doesn't really focus on this at all but it just reminded me of it something fierce. I remember one time I visited MIT when I was in high school and I saw this gorgeous girl jogging and just thought "damn". Way to take away my ability to say "I might be not be wicked smart, but wicked smart people you know they have their problems"!

Then I didn't apply to MIT because I probably wasn't smart enough.

Holy shit guys, this is a movie about software development!
Spoiler alert (do you actually watch movies for the plot?)! That clever Mark Zuckerfucker gets drunk and takes a bunch of images from semi-public directories at Havard and lets people compare them. Then he's recruited by some dudes to make THE HARVARD CONNECTION* which is like MySpace or Friendster but just for Harvard! But that zany Zuckerfucker just decides to do it himself with the help of his business school friend. Shit gets crazy when those other dudes find out, but then gets less crazy. Then he gets involved with that crazy Napster guy and things are all crazy again and he screws over his only friend! Then he gets sued a lot for all that crazy shit he done did!

*The Harvard Connection was the name of the song created by a friend of mine in my senior year of high school as part of a rock opera we were composing about our band instructor. I remember Facebook becoming public to everyone with a university email sometime and in late high school, so maybe those dudes had it first, but there's precedent for legal action here!

So now you can make movies about software development! And this movie will have you know that if you add enough hijinks to software development (namely taking shots at odd intervals while coding or inventing widely used systems or both) that SCREAMING GIRLS will watch you do it and you will earn the adulation of your peers and also random hookups!

Trust me, software development is not that interesting!

Also did you know if you are sufficiently successful as a software developer you will be teleported into a magical world of fine food, loose women, strong drinks, and cocaine? All because becoming a successful software development undoubtedly involves a fair amount of thumbing one's nose at the man and chicks dig that. I can say that definitively because I'm a sexpert. Also this magical world is known as California and involves ziplines and pools as well.

As a developer of some fairly unsuccessful software projects I eagerly await my day in the sun!

Why not us? And I don't mean the Red Sox because, as the previous post indicates, they are mathematically eliminated!
Hollywood, listen up! Here are the rights to my story. No really here they are right here in this blog. You know those entries about THE M.F. OPENPKMN PROJECT yeah you got that. And remember that post I did about my research? Take that too. You come knocking and I'll tell you more. One stipulation: I want to be played by Wayne Brady.

Zuckerfucked up shit about how the movie relates to social hierarchies!
If you're a Zuckerfucking king nerd with an aggressive, douchebaggy personality, guess what you get to have fun and be a success story. But what about us mild mannered types who just wanna live our lives and made the big mistake in getting wrapped up in this software game? Plug in and work, bitches! Proletariat and bourgeoisie, serf and master, police and thieves (well not the last one but I'd recommend both the Junior Mervin original and The Clash cover).

Police and thieves in the streets
Oh yeah!
Scaring the nation with their guns and ammunition
Police and thieves in the street
Oh yeah!
Fighting the nation with their guns and ammunition

And then later there's the part with the awesome vocal ad-libbing!

I'm supposed to arrive at some rating I think!
Would I have seen this movie if my friends weren't going? Probably not. When I found out they were making a movie about Zuckerfucker I was kinda like "objection: relevance!" but I guess a lot of people use thefacebook.com and so do I! Now that I saw it I don't really feel any differently about any of the parties involved! So I guess maybe it didn't do it's job or I don't care or I'm just really enjoying this Junior Mervin way too much to care about anything really.

Unless you're a gorgeous girl at a top tier school in which case I care about you but not so much that it's creepy!

1 comment:

  1. http://blogs.construx.com/blogs/stevemcc/archive/2011/02/07/why-didn-t-i-like-the-social-network.aspx

    Steve McConnell (Code Complete aka best book ever made author) had similar points, and I liked this excerpt from his:

    Eisenberg’s portrayal of the intensely focused, socially awkward megalomaniac software genius was spot on. For people who haven’t previously been exposed to this type of person (like Roger Ebert), apparently that character portrayal was interesting enough to carry the movie. For me it wasn’t.