25 April 2014

Holidays that have declined in importance as I, the author, have become a person in his late twenties, single, living on the opposite side of the country as all family, not employed by a government

5. Columbus Day
This one was never super important (sorry Italians) and I can't even remember if we got it off of school. Just recently, I forgot this holiday even existed until I checked a list of American holidays. Calling that a decline.

4. Valentine's Day
I used to get candy from my mom on this one.

3. Washington's Birthday (Presidents' Day)
Did you know that this one is officially in the books as Washington's Birthday, still? Presidents' Day, as any self respecting person calls it, was basically the start of school vacation week. Except remember that one year Framingham public schools decided to be all hipster and too cool for that shit and have one vacation in March and then the teachers were all mad because they had to arrange childcare for their own kids during the normal school vacation week? Of course you don't, you're either not from Framingham or normal.

This is another holiday I forgot about.

2. Flag Day
Man, this one. This one.

We (in the sense of we the nuclear family that I grew up as a part of) used to have, what I remember, to be a pretty bomb ass barbecue on Flag Day. In retrospect, this might have happened only once because, shit, one time I thought I wrote all these stories throughout my childhood and then my mom told me that my sister and I just like fucking back to back to back to back dictated these stories in a one-week span when we had the chicken pox. Seriously, the fuck.

That being said I remember making and trying to sell edible Creepy Crawlers. Remember that shit? Also someone's dog wandering into our front yard? Wearing a hat? Was that a thing?

Then there was no barbecue in subsequent years, but the town still had a parade which I complained incessantly about going to (both as a spectator and later as a member of the marching band) because I was going through an adolescence-long phase that basically involved not wanting to do anything.

Now it's just June's version of 'Why is there a flag on the Space Needle today' day. Or July. I can't remember whether it's in June or July.

1. Easter
Ok so Easter was never a huge holiday in my youth, but I definitely remember the whole routine of looking around for eggs in the living room, getting dressed up nice, and going to Church. Then maybe a trip to a relative's house and eating ham or chicken cutlets something. There were Easter baskets and shit, and those required a whole trip to the attic to get them. And then there would be like horrid pastel tinsel being found all over the house for weeks after. And that weird egg thing. Not like dyeing eggs, but like wall-papering them? A thing that existed? One can never know for sure.

The conclusion I'm driving at was that even though Easter wasn't huge, there were things and activities that were Easter-centric and required effort to do, and they were done. Last week when someone asked me what I was doing for the then-upcoming holiday I thought he was referring to 4/20. Whatever, Easter's for kids.

Special Bonus: 
A holiday that has increased in importance as I, the author, have become a person in his twenties, single, living on the opposite side of the country as all family, not employed by a government: 

Though I sometimes doubt my contributions to adult society, the fastest way to make this disappear is to cook not a but the turkey.

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